The Secret Behind Lasting Happiness
When you boil it all down, there seems to be two types of "happy:" temporary and lasting. Temporary happiness generally seems to stem from external circumstances--typically a result of an event meeting or exceeding expectations. The person feels a sense of elation because something they hoped would happen actually did happen--or something else that was positive occurred at a time it was not at all expected; at any rate, temporary happiness comes from pleasure and or exceeded expectations.
This leads to the question: can happiness exist without expectations? Well, we can't answer that question just yet--we must first define "lasting happiness," so let's get to it. From what I can tell, 'lasting happiness' (from this point on referred to as simply, 'happiness') does not require a person to constantly be in a state of euphoria; 'happy' people can and should experience feelings of sadness, mourning, disappointment, etc. However, it would appear that happy people have an emancipated outlook on life that frees them from discouragement from circumstances that are out of their control. Does this mean that happiness is simply a matter of perspective? Perhaps, but don't be fooled: changing your perspective in such a meaningful way is not likely something that can be done from the outside in--it's probably going to require internal change. This change in perspective is not effectively acquired by habituating oneself to remember cute reminders of finding the ‘silver lining’--that's merely an approach to deny oneself from feeling the necessary emotion of disappointment or pain: such anesthetization will never bring lasting happiness, in fact, it's certain to keep it far away. We cannot remove ourselves from accountability for decisions that should be ours without knowing that we've cheated ourselves it is critical to let go of circumstances that are out of our control and take responsibility for those things that do fall into the sphere of our influence.
People that are happy feel in control of their lives, because they are accountable for the decisions they make and let go of the ones that belong to others. A person that adopts this level of personal accountability is being true to herself--she experiences the quiet satisfaction of being in control of her own life, and there is a feeling of esteem that comes from knowing that. This resulting feeling of empowerment makes it easier to let go of circumstances over which you have no control--you don't need to control them, you are steering the ship of your own life--knowing that makes it easier to allow others steer theirs.

conceived January 25 2005

- posted by Dallas Smith @ 10:00 AM