Soggy Grape Nuts
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Writer's Cramp
I don't profess to be so delusionary as to even consider myself a writer; a "typer?"...maybe, but not a "writer." However, my lack of a writer's title, skill and fame has somehow not managed to allow me to escape his cramps.... I'm not quite sure how to describe them, they're not painful--except, possibly, for the headaches they induce--and there aren't any certified medications to take to eliminate them (although there are those that claim a bottle of wine as being a suitable elixer--but that remedy is often discouraged at the office). I sit here the day that I had hoped to have this article published already simply wondering what to do. What's even worse is I'm only a few weeks into this column--and I'm already writing the "I don't know what to write" article!? What am I going to do months from now when I'm suddenly afflicted by the next block: write about the minute differences between writer's "cramp" and writer's "block?" (hmm that's not a bad idea...but still, it doesn't really take away the shame)
With that, I've decided to provide a few steps that can be taken to minimize the effect of writer's cramp:
1) Open your eyes. And ears for that matter. Start observing the world around you and see if you can find anything interesting, quirky, special, wonderful, noteworthy or neato to write about.
2) Write. About anything. Even if it's fragmented sentences like the one I just wrote. It doesn't really matter what you write about, just wake the 'write' side of your brain up (I'm sorry, but I've got to pat myself on the back for that one--it was so good. 'Write' side of the brain...wow, maybe there is hope yet of being a writer in some future life).
3) Keep writing. Did you see that gem in #2? Genius like that doesn't just appear in the first couple sentences (although, it does make me wonder how long it took Dickens to write, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times;" because that really was genius. My guess is he wrote it, and then decided it was good enough to write a book around...but I digress); you have to keep going: keep writing until you start feeling inpired; until you start feeling the intimations of desire to actually claim the words you're coercing onto the page, you need to keep pushing yourself to continue.
4) Keep writing. I know, it sounds a lot like #3, but it's a little different this time. Now that you are feeling inspired, let it flow. This is the reason you write, so enjoy it; bask in it; delight in the joy of creation.
5) Plagurize--I know, but dammit, if you've gone through 4 steps and still don't have anything, well, it's time to take it from someone who did. Of course, doctor it up a bit--make it yours. I'm not saying you should use it...just utilize it as more of a template; you know, to generate ideas. Or not. Maybe just rip it off of some obscure blog from some non-writer out in the Internet wasteland, and claim that he plagurized you if anybody complains.
Well, that about does it for me. At this point I've actually thought of a few things I could write about, but now I've invested so much into this article, that I think I'm going to go ahead and publish it. Let that be a warning to you: once you create it--it's yours, and as ugly as it is, you may be unable to deny the beauty of seeing a bit of yourself in what it was you made. Kind of reminds me of Young Frankenstien.
Happy Writing!
Conceived today--just an hour or so ago
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Reclaim your Glove Box!
As I slowly reached over to grab my cold gloves sitting on the passenger seat I thought to myself how nice it would be to have a place to keep them while they weren't in use. Then I realized: such a place has been created...it's call the glove box. Now, I don't know why we actually still refer to this useless storage compartment as a glove box--it's not as though anybody actually keeps their gloves in it. It seems to me that the only things that people consistently keep in their glove box is their owner's manual for the car (and when was the last time you looked at that?) and their regisistration--to keep at a handy distance just in case they get pulled over by officer friendly.
Fight against the complacency that keeps your glove box useless! Start using your glove box! Take out the damn owner's manual, put it in the trunk or under the seat or somewhere that you never look, and replace it with something you may actually want in your car.
There are a few things to remember when deciding what kind of items you want in your car:
1) Cars can get hot; heat melts chocolate, and even hard candies.
2) Cars can get cold; cold can freeze liquid things and even make containers burst (the blue stain of windex in my trunk reminds me that everytime I open it--which is actually quite a bit; I'll have to write an entry about that sometime); make sure you store items that will make your life more convenient and can survive the extremes that a car will put them through.
3) Not all glove compartments are created equal
4) Consider modifications
5) Your glove box is not as convenient as your middle console (which is why that's the spot for cd's) -- consider storing items that you use frequently when you're stopped.
Here's a short list of items that you may want to consider:
-Armor All wipes--clean your car while you're waiting in the drive-thru line at lunch.
-Window cleaner
-Condoms--hey, you never know...
-Flashlight
-Hand Towel, paper towels, tissues...you get the point
-Oh hey! Here's one: Gloves!
Conceived Dec 27, 2004 ~11 am
